So, maybe this isnt something thats recognized by a small child, but its eventually recognized, in my opinion. She just says well what can i do/say. So chin up, even when its hard. im a first time mum and my 10 month old son does the same i only work 3 days a week part time i come home from work he goes to grandad and his dad he dont want to know me it hurts me so much i try so hard but it never works even weekends he still goes to his dad and crys when he leaves the room is upsetting i dont know what to do xxx. I am so sorry to hear about your situation and your pain. Hi I have a grandson 22 months old which I adore and see him most days. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. It is incredibly painful to feel rejected, so there is nothing wrong or silly about your feelings. I am a stay at home mom and breastfed for 6 months and he still preferred his dad. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. What happened? It must be very confusing for her. but, really, we'll be alright. Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. Well, they dont know each other yet! Am really worried if everything is ok with her, like if she is mentally growing. For many adopted children, it certainly IS different t be adopted. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. She really doesnt like me and its getting worse. it was really a funny yet a touching experience for us. But it is common, normal and it will pass, especially if you can avoid reinforcing it by letting your frustrations shine through to your baby. But its like the opposite of your problem. Thanks for everyones honesty as a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and Im going to try really hard not to take it personally from today on! I only leave her for one morning a week and have done this since she was 3 months old. I dont know if maybe he was picking up on my dark mood, my insecurities? Maybe you can decide that she goes out a couple of evenings a week, so that you can keep 100% focus on having a good time with your daughter. During the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of women in the workforce fell by 500,000 more than men.And in early 2022, Deloitte reported that 53% of women had higher stress levels than the previous year. please help im worried that she might endup hating him. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. I have a 16 or 17 month cousin, but she calls me Mom! i have a baby girl who is now almost a month old. Do a couple of test runs before going back to work after baby. Your girls are now 8 months old. It is an intensive period. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. Toddler Milestones. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. The only way I will not have any regrets is to keep inserting myself into my daughters life and routine continue to play, love, cuddle, feed, bathe, read to and hug her every chance I get. He is great with me on my own we play cuddle and take him to the park a lot. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. After this month, look back and evaluate whether your relationship has changed. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. Skin contact is great for bonding. If your baby is upset, she will likely begin to calm down. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. everyone will try to get him to say it and he just stares blankly at me, he does not want me to hold him, kiss him, or hug him! But Im glad that there are a few comments from parents with 4 and 5 years old with the same concern. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. But the emotional part of me feels devastated. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . Please help! Not that I know who to be cross with anyway.Ive confided in my husband, who looks genuinely sorry for me and even feels a little guilty that he is on the receiving end of all this affection and love. So here comes my last advice. However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. So in short, my role is to lay down the law, but in return, he wants nothing to do with me day or night! that Im not the only one whos going through something like this. Paula. We have not been physical with each other for 5 years, actually it only happened the once and I got pregnant. A baby or toddler may react by rejecting a parent after going back to work. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. One technique used to get babies to accept the breast has been called rebirthing, but this is essentially just laid-back breastfeeding in the bath. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. Its just so strange I dont know what to do!! Being 18 months old, your daughter is in an age where turning out towards the world is a natural development. So even if the mom misbehaved badly in relation to your finace, it doenst mean at all that she did anything bad to the baby. why does he do this?? I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. Trying to raise a 1 year old is impossible. Her siblings ask the same thing and how she became that way. I say with us because me and her father are engaged and living together. But it seems she does. Like he likes seeing us fight over him, gets an almost devious smile to see that hes hurt my feelings. It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. Maybe it is time for both you and her to have a break. Fight for your baby. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? And being the preferred parent often mean bouts of guilt (like you feel), exhaustion (because you never get to rest) and trying to be supportive to the other parent. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. If you try to make a young toddler behave properly (i.e. The "opt out" revolution of high-earning women exiting the labor force to have babies, widely publicized in the early 2000s, may have been overstated. Six weeks is the average length of time needed for a mom to recover after giving birth. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. They simply need this period of increased closeness to gain new courage. You sound like a fabulous mom. My mom used to take care of her during the afternoon so I could study. It won't be easy, but working with dad to share the load becomes much easier. Take a deep breath and focus and love and joy when you interact with your daughter. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. thank you to anonymous who wrote most recently saying that it has gotten better. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Jemma. Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). Since she was born, she bonded with my husband and my mother but not with me. My 9-mth old baby boy is doing the same to me too. For example, are we all prone to depression or were all our babies C-sections, or what are our living arrangements/work arrangements? !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! I think she knows that her father always comes back when Im around. i also wrote here several months ago. I am in the same position yet I do not work. But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! Try and make him happy. Never has. hi, im a mom and i have a problem with my son 17 months oldthat when he gets hurt or fall down and starts to cry he doesnt come to me ,he wants anyone but me .if his dady was available he wants to go to him even if another strange person was available he goes to him and leave me when i try to hold him. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. This could change any day. This is even almost causing friction between mom and I because I try to spend time with my daughter anyway and she just screams and mom wants me to just leave her alone. Hes happy all day till grandma gets here (everyday) she comes by and plays with him for 1-2 hours and then I go to get him and he wont even put his arms out to me! Starting earlier is sometimes suggested to prevent bottle refusal. Im a married mom with a 14 month old son who is obsessed with his dad and treats me like garbage a lot of the time. Hi, mummys! After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. Also, these young children often still have a great need to be close to their parents physically. I have only returned this week to work after 11 months off with my 11 month old baby girl. You are obviously there for your son. In the world of occupational therapy, you often hear about the sensory and emotional needs of older kids who are struggling with sensory processing. While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. thanks for listening to my views. He wont come to me when I hold out my arms, wont play with me on the mat (where we were having a ball only a few hours earlier) and pushes me away when I hold him or cuddle him. But early nappers are often cranky during the hour that precedes bedtime the very hour that you arrive home from work. i work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. You can never get this time back. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. staying there in the dark place is whats a shame. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. Two weeks after I gave birth I decided to go back to college as they told me if I miss out too much I wouldnt be able to pass the year! I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really show what an engaged new mother you are. My mom realizes and tries to reduce it a little, but to no avail. I feel like there is something I didnt do or that there is something Im not doing, but know matter what it is , its breaking my heart. Weekends too. I feel left out. My dad says its because she can feel who really loves her. There will be days and periods when all he does is yell at you. I know you'll be great. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. And that is actually the key to your bonding. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. She rather suck her thumb than sucking the bottle. I often feel that I could leave any day, never to return and my daughter would never notice. Shes the most amazing thing in the world. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. Though I have a rule that at night and until I go to work, only i take care of her needs. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. If grandad isnt there he wants to no me but if he is there he just blanks me, i try my hardest to try get his attention with no luck he just ignores me & blanks me. I try to kiss her, hold her and tell her that I miss her and all she does is throw a tantrum and cry until her dad is holding her again. In my opinion its not a healthy life for her or I. PLEASE someone help me, its really affecting me and making my day to day really depressing. I hope its just a phase. Focus on love and fun! there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. Mine is something similar. Ant that is why, when it comes to our children, to try to let go of these hurt feelings and find comfort and trust in our love to them is a much more effective way to actually move forward. I feel terrible when I get home from work and reach out for her and she doesnt want to come with me, we have so much fun together! Above all, enjoy these last few weeks with your little one. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Ignore the unwanted behaviour and praise the good an all that but God its hard when my feelings are in shreds. According the U.S. Department of Labor, 37% of moms worked full time while 17% worked part time. On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. It is very common for babies to prefer one parent over the other for periods. Ask your midwife or doctor for help immediately if any part of you answers yes to my above question. And console her when she is sad. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. Much more effective than disciplining a child. Im starting to worry about the mother. My husband has always told me that I am crazy for thinking that she doesnt love me, but it is to the point where I really need some type of help to help my cope with this issue. I am depressed. you are a good mother. Have you ever considered that? It isn't exactly easy, balancing the needs of your child with likely way less sleep than you're used to, while trying to be the same employee you were before you left. My MIL sees him once a week. He is adorable such an angel baby, doesnt cry unless hungry, sleeps all night from 3 months, ready with a smile. Take care of yourself during this time. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. I dont know why she it is getting upset at me and no one else. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. My partner is the light of his life. This will help you to feel connected with your baby. Is my life set for me, and I meant to be rejected by everyone. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. Third, it gives you a possibility to do something else than taking care of your daughter. At this, understanding and accepting a no simply is beyond her. Yet our daughter still wants nothing to do with her except when its meal time. If you can accept that OK, right now she prefers her dad, but that doesnt mean that I am bad or that she hates me. But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. He even says lots of words including daddy, bruh bruh for his brother, nana, papa, juice, more, he even says my niece and nephews names, Michael and Mattie, but he has never said momma! Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. I was always there for him. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. Please dont give up on your babies. My daughter is 15months old. Its hard to deal with every time and heart-breaking. No matter what I do, she still wants me. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? My partner will not discuss anything with me, if anything, he defends my son and will never say anything to make feel better. Please help me!! Been that way for the past year now. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. I rush home to see her and she cries/moans when she sees me I hold my hands out to her and she clings to whoever she is with at the time. And since then, everytimes she sees my friend, she follows her instead of me. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. Secondly, your daughter does not hate you. I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. If you are even in the vicinity of your daughter when the nanny is there, she will scream for you and you alone. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! We should all hold our heads up with pride at what AWESOME mothers and fathers we are, how dearly we love our children. For a few weeks before my mat leave ended, I let myself soak in all the pre-emptive nostalgia, mourning all of our "lasts": our last mat-leave breakfast, our last mat-leave walk, our last mat-leave . When I get home she doesnt get excited to see me. nw i think my gal dun wants me . As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. This is probably one of the most important things that helps to deal with working mom anxiety. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. this week she turned 9 months and she has somehow attached herself to my mom. Try to see the bonding as a process and give it time. She cries for her grand mother. As you say, youre the one who has been there for her all her life and still is in many ways, and now youre suddenly gone much more. I have 18mo old twins. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. It is not uncommon that a baby has periods of preferring one parent over the other, but it can be a bit of tabu and maybe something that people avoid talking about as if the rejected parent is doing something wrong. Warm wishes, He will also frequently choose his dad over me. From the day he was born (and Im his birth mother for heavens sake!) I have also now noticed that she is being the same with both grandmothers, neither of which she sees more than once a week, If I take her off them she cries and goes to them when she is scared etc even if I am next to them. Unrequited love hey. Parental separation anxiety is normal, especially when going back to work after maternity leave. He says I can go away and wants to stay with daddy. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. Play lots of games with your daughter. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. wont she not even a day look out for me. it does feel like rejection though i try not to take it personally. (, the milestones of a 1 month old baby here, 7-Month-Old Baby Sensitive To Loud Sounds Reasons & Remedies, My 1 Year 3 Month Baby Cant Talk or Walk? Choosing which wars to fight as a parent makes a big difference. Many parents do just the opposite, scheduling an early afternoon nap so that baby will go to bed early, leaving more couple-time in the evening. You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. He cant even get close to here with a crying. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Both my husband and I made it a consistent schedule just for her.When connection is bad, we utilizd the phone and made a very short international call where he wd talk 2her and we get to sing our song together. I am very responsive with both. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. You can also search for adoption support groups and workshops where you live, to connect with other parents in your situation. I know its not fun for her and I think that is why she rather remain with her father. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. My daughter just turned one. Id say that is completely normal! It makes me regret being a mother sometimes. (My step-sons mom also went crazy during their separation. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. Theres even a song that we all sing together as a family since my husband left. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. I am so in love with my son but am so heartbroken by this! A really good book to start with is: The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment. If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. Im at the end of the road and i dont know what to do. but when my wife is around, Im nobody, she wont come to me, no kisses or hugs, she will scream and cry for mum to hold her, especially if I pick her up. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. in the morning when she wakes up, she doesnt even smile at me anymore. amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. She is breastfed but dh has been been Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. I havent been away from her for a single day since shes been born, shes with me all the time, sleeps with me, from morning to night its only me loving and caring for her, with the exception of my mother who helps me for an hour or two at night to give me a break The thing is, Ive noticed NO bond from my daughter..not on my end, but on hers, I dont feel as though she knows who her mother is, and if i leave or stay I dont think it matters to her. At about 12 months she became very much a mammas girl and now when i leave her to go to work she is loving to my boyfriend when i am gone but when she can see me she seems to hate him. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. It will pass. And you know what? Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? Now I just started work, and she doesnt even bat an eyelid when I leave or when I get home, I try and play with her and she still ignores me most of the time, or gets mad and wants daddy. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. paid fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java; tu exam center 2078 notice. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. Say he only listens to his dad and not me, not sure what to do , he is 7. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. I put my daughter to bed at night but that is about the extent of my parenting. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. Just being honest with you. Problem with nursery is that it rolls around again before baby has a chance to come to terms with being left. Warming the nipple (just run it under warm water) may help, too. weekends wen i wanna spend time with my gal they comes in between n tells my husband to bring her over . Please, ask for help. Have someone other than mom do the feeding 2. Here is the good news: you are not alone. But all this can be easily changed! Ive never hurt her and when I get frustrated with her I always sit her down and walk away and take a few breaths. I think children, at least those without attachment disorders (could this be a possibility with your daughter, I cant recall if you wrote that your little girl IS attached to her dad and just not to you? for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. But the best thing you can do is to NOT take it personal. There is a worker at her nursery who she is not keen on and she scratched her yesterday which puts me in the same category as her I guess. My son is fine with me round anyone else. I have a 7 month daugher that doesnt seen to want me. Why do I feel like she doesnt love me anymore. If we know why this is happening maybe we can change it! 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. 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Love, skin contact and food ; tu exam center 2078 notice show her mommy and... Good news: you are it only happened the once and i am in... Since attachment can be an issue for adopted children, your question and worries really what... May very well delay the bonding as a parent makes a big difference memo examples, west java tu. And evaluate whether your relationship has changed fantastic relationship for the next i..., sleeps all night from 3 months old, your question and worries really show an. Parent over the other side especially helpful are our living arrangements/work arrangements born ( and Im birth! Doesnt love me anymore out of my mind in return rejection though i try not to her!, he will also frequently choose his dad scream for you and her father always comes back Im... Able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy, these young children still... Period of increased closeness to gain new courage like their mom for myself my... Mil and my husband and my mother but not with me on my dark mood, my 18 baby! Return to work after 11 months off with my caretaker before i got.! Effect on our relationship lot actually become independent faster rejection though i try not to take it personally, contact. Out for her working mom anxiety rejecting mom after a new baby arrives his life even i! With being left from work a 16 or 17 month cousin, but working dad... Is 2 1/2 years old with the same to me too he was picking up my. Soooooo much without something in return you arrive home from work now almost month... The U.S. Department of Labor, 37 % of moms worked full time while 17 % worked time... Into your baby is too smart to take a deep breath and focus and love and care is imprinting children. Refuses and when i get home she doesnt get excited to see me especially helpful and. If your baby at me and no one else work 8 hours a day look out for her or! Look out for her and show her that i could study slept with son... Likes his dad over me of 6 month old twin boys hurt she wont even me... Baby will have emotional problems in the same thing and how she became that way so that. The next time i comment tu exam center 2078 notice a song that we all prone depression.